Well, I Could Of Had Religion...
I had a lot of battles to take on while growing up, both on the inside as well as on the outside. As any young woman I had massive issues concerning my body. I am not pretty at all and I am flawed all over. Thankfully I knocked some sense into myself some years ago and now I am parading freely in a skimpy bathing suit and taking in the sun without my bra, prefferably, because tanning is particularly good for my skin and I turn chocolate immediately. Sure, I'm not happy-happy with my body (who is ?) but I learned to accept myself as I am and now I'm pretty cool with it.
On the beach for example, I'm too busy reading my Bourne Identity books, smoking and drinking something cold. Or too busy swimming because I'm such a kid....you can never get me out of the water.
I'm particularly proud of overcoming all that rubbish they serve us about women's bodies and I'd rather have confidence over embarassment.
Another one was the one concerning smoking.
At times it makes me feel sick and I quit about 3 times already.
Until I had enough of that rubbish too and stopped giving up because I ain't no quitter ;)
How you take on cigarettes depends first of all of your body and that's it. I wish more people would understand that. My grandfather smoked until he was 90-something, the man had been in the second world war in Siberia and had his eye poked out and his legs frozen to death and he chewed on tobacco and smoked the most killer cigarettes back in those days. And he still kicked as and held strong until he died and no, he didn't die of smoke related issues.
More and more I am tempted of smoking in non smoking areas these days because I'm so pissed off at the idiots who banned us from smoking in certain places.
We still do it regardless of your bullshit.
In a reggae bar back home, we smoke freely, though the owner told us " if someone comes in, you'd better swallow that ashtray."
Non smokers who are against smokers should shut their holes and take that stick out of their asses before we shove a burning pack of Marlboros up there.
Factories and oil tanks spit out toxic fumes and you want me to put out my what ?!? it can't even be called hypocrisy. Look into your backyard before poking into mine. Unlike so many of you oh so righteous non smokers, I separate my trash and don't throw garbage on the streets. And I don't drink myself dead either. Or do drugs. Or beat up my wife and screw my kid's lives.
So yeah, that's me showing you the finger with my cigarette between them.
Yeah, I could of had religion, to save me from my hell, but I'd rather take on cigarettes, in my distorted vision, they're giving me more hope through all the endless dark nights than a Gospel can; and when I was looking for God on the highway, he wasn't there, but my pack of Marlboros sure as hell was !
I am living my life as I see more fit and if you blow smoke in my eyes, I sure as hell gonna blow smoke in yours and that's literally.
I'm tired of people sitting next to me on a bench while I'm smoking and coughing or giving me all sorts of signals they don't enjoy it. You saw me smoking, why the hell did you sat down ? I am not allowed to smoke in a bar, in a certain compartiment in the train or in the goddamn airplane, where they hell do you want me to go, in a field ? I'd go in a god damned field in the middle of goddamned nowhere, if only the urbanization did not break into those fields too ! Seriosuly, I would !
People ask me why I'm smoking.
I'm smoking for reasons I can try to explain but you probably won't understand. There is a certain intimacy between you and your cigarette and if two lovers are smoking after they made love, they will tell you about it even better than I can.
There's the moment when you stop your car in the middle of the night for gas, you grab a coffee and you lean on the car and look ahead at the road before you as you light up the said cigarette....and it's a thing of yours and yours alone that speaks of individuality and of things that are so endless and everfree.
Yeah, it will probably kill me but bottom line is we don't live forever. I know most people don't want to think about it, but I'll push it in your brains until it sticks there : you are going to die. We all do. It matters what you do in between being born and dying cause this, right here. is all you're gonna get.
We all die of something, I'll die because I'm smoking ? Alright, that's cool, in the back of their heads, every smokers expects that and I think that's why we're more at peace with ourselves on certain matters, seriously. Put a smoker and a non smoker in traffic and see who freaks out first and does most of the cursing. The smoker, the true one, is gonna sit back, light himself one and listen to some music.
I'm my own person and I'm gonna live smoking. I'm the prick that smokes in your trains when you're not looking, I'm the teenager that smokes in the bathroom and sneaks out the window. I'm the crazy gal that climbs on top of the car and dances with the cigarette between her fingers. I'm the person who puffs while running across the landing strip towards the airplane at the last second. I'm the bastard that knows it's gonna die one day and wants to go down in style. I'm the one who tattooes "Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today" on its skin.
Break my cigarettes, ban them, take them out of my mouth, show me pictures of damaged lungs and tell me you're gonna die from my second hand smoke. Well you won't, don't worry, no one did until now. And I'm still gonna smoke.
Because I like it. I am addicted. And it's not like I can't get rid of the addiction, in all truth and honesty, I do not want to.
B.
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