Ten Things
Ten Things That Will Always Make Me Laugh Or Feel Good When I-m Sad
1. Wild Bunny (especially Jaebum overdoing it in the car in ep. ..6? Hottest know what I am talking about)
2. Epik High-s Wannabe video.
3. Hearing Junho laugh (never fails).
4. Dirty Eyed Girls (whose projects I will always support with all my heart, really)
5. CJ getting overexcited about things.
6. Beast-s Bad Girl. Anytime I-ll have enough of dancing on that song will still be too soon. Don-t ask me why because it-s a BIG mystery even for me, it just instantly makes me feel better!
7. Looking at my phone charms because they are all reminders of nice things.
8. Jokwon being the lovely diva that he is.
9. GD smiling (never fails either)
10. 2PM-s Angel. I happened to listen to that song one morning when the sun was shining in my eyes and I was looking forward to the good things in life, and in the same time no one fits better than Jaebum to say lyrics like: you don-t know, fool, it fits him perfectly XD, so whenever I hear that song, I remember that good feeling and it makes me smile instantly.
B.
And I thought: hey...I really love this moment!
I've been battered up and bruised, knocked around, looked down upon, partially homeless, jobless, abused, yelled at, threatened and whatnot, the worst parts of my life in a nutshell. But, there are these re-occuring moments I still keep with me, bits of moments I still remember clearly like it was yesterday. All the bad times are just blurry, I remember the pain, but I did not hang on to them so much as to imprint their image in my mind.
I decided that, one day a week, I will post what had made me happy or hopeful, or something like that, those 7 days, regardless of how small it was, if it made me smile, it will be written down.
I don't believe in happiness as a constant state of mind, if anyone would tell me they are happy all the time, I'd think they are insane, but I do believe in the importance of the brief moments of happiness because those contribute to helping you hang in there.
So to make it different from the red words entries, I will write these in blue.
Thus, here we go, the list for this week:
1. Writing to Anthony and telling him how it is. His reply was futile but I had one of those moments when you tilt your head to the side and blink and go whatever and just let it go. I have so much more things to waste my life with and this kind of friends are not the type I want to waste it with, kind and gentle as he might be.
I don't need that boy in my life more than he needs me in his, he'll get it in time. I wanted to write or call him and just say "no, we cannot be friends like we used to, grow up' but I'll let it slide as it is. It felt very liberating.
2. The short (did I just write short? Did we just have a short exchange of emails? Planets must have crashed!) email from Kimkim. Because she felt better, I felt better. I feel like I am gaining a friend to whom I will write even if I am deep in the jungle in Thailand XD
3. Those evenings skies last night.
4. The smell of coffee in the kitchen this afternoon, the process of preparing it.
5. The decision to delete all the photos in my computer who included people from the past or who were not the company I needed back then, Anthony included. It felt just as good as when I threw away that dress, a weight gone.
6.. The rain about to fall any moment now.
B.
I decided that, one day a week, I will post what had made me happy or hopeful, or something like that, those 7 days, regardless of how small it was, if it made me smile, it will be written down.
I don't believe in happiness as a constant state of mind, if anyone would tell me they are happy all the time, I'd think they are insane, but I do believe in the importance of the brief moments of happiness because those contribute to helping you hang in there.
So to make it different from the red words entries, I will write these in blue.
Thus, here we go, the list for this week:
1. Writing to Anthony and telling him how it is. His reply was futile but I had one of those moments when you tilt your head to the side and blink and go whatever and just let it go. I have so much more things to waste my life with and this kind of friends are not the type I want to waste it with, kind and gentle as he might be.
I don't need that boy in my life more than he needs me in his, he'll get it in time. I wanted to write or call him and just say "no, we cannot be friends like we used to, grow up' but I'll let it slide as it is. It felt very liberating.
2. The short (did I just write short? Did we just have a short exchange of emails? Planets must have crashed!) email from Kimkim. Because she felt better, I felt better. I feel like I am gaining a friend to whom I will write even if I am deep in the jungle in Thailand XD
3. Those evenings skies last night.
4. The smell of coffee in the kitchen this afternoon, the process of preparing it.
5. The decision to delete all the photos in my computer who included people from the past or who were not the company I needed back then, Anthony included. It felt just as good as when I threw away that dress, a weight gone.
6.. The rain about to fall any moment now.
B.
Five Things I Really, Really, Really Miss
1. Dozing off in the grass, in a place far away from everything and everyone.
2. Reading chinese ancient poetry.
3. Reading chinese legends.
4. The sea's saltwater.
5. Falling into a deep, deep sleep in a white room, in the afternoon, the scent of seashells and sand still on my hands.
B.
Six Things
I've been having serious trouble sleeping lately, nightmares and heat and also trying to get things on time, as promised, from serious stuff to not so serious, such as betas for people because I like to keep a good timeline even for those. Why lose sleep over those too ? Because I made a promise and took a responsabiliy and I don't break my promises or ignore my responsabilities.
This list might be cruel to some, but I consider it common sense, and once you get past my snarky comments, you'll agree with me and it's my journal so I'll posts as many lists as I feel like posting.
I oscialte between being nice and being downright cruel so it shows even in writing I suppose.
So... I am tired constantly, but I don't really mind, as long as I'm busy doing stuff, but in the same time, things that tick me off manage to tick me off more than usual. I keep calm and patient and I usually overlook stuff when it comes to my friends (them only) because I know it's easier for me to become frustrated at people because of my lack of sleep and food, but I start to wonder when enough is enough.
01. Don't take my patience as a weakness.I've been told I have insane amounts of patience but even that wears off. I don't like waiting and I don't like to keep people waiting, if I say I deliver something at 12, it will either be delivered at 11, either at 12 sharp. I do pretend to look to the other side at times, but whenever people keep me waiting on things it makes my blood boil, especially when I wait for something and I get excuses as to why it is not ready yet.
I forgive it at times, because we're but human but when it happens over and over it only makes me look down on people and in my head, I place them below others.
02. No means no. There is rarely I make an exception after I said no and take that back. I normally know what I want, likes and dislikes. I love, love, love being introduced to new things (like lovely Kim introduces me to) but when I don't like things, I just don't like them and I don't feel like giving them second chances, so shoving them down my throat won't work (just like it didn't work with religion). For example, I've been bombarded with Twilight from all sides lately. I don't like it and that's that, you all can go watch and enjoy it to the best of your abilities, but don't make me like it because I won't. Most people whom I told pretty bluntly "I am not touching the film or books with a ten foot pole" (before you throw stones at me, I did try to watch the film but I literally skimmed through it because there was nothing I liked about it) have got the message and were pretty cool about it, others....well....didn't. So I shoved them aside.
03. Just because I'm nice and polite to you it doesn't mean you have to push it. I like joking around and I'm a bit of a bully and I am too sarcastic for my own good but I draw a limit when people start to get too personal with the sarcasms and they turn into insults. Don't do that, I won't put up with it because 99% of the people I know are not indespensable for me, I can give up that 99% in a flash and not even wince. Don't think you're special.
04. Yes, my wallpaper switches between Tae and Sean Connery (yeah, that's who that -amazing- old man on my screen is, you ignorant pricks), other questions ? No ? Good.
(not really related to the topic but for the sake of randomness)
05. Don't play innocent. If you want me to get up from the table and leave you talking alone, all you should do is pretend you don't want to say something you actually really do want to say, just to make me ask you. People........I won't ask. Begging is not in my book, if you want to say it, it doesn't matter how crazy it is, just say it, you know I will listen, but don't make me beg you to say it because I'll just ignore you.
06. Ask me what's wrong then, after I tell you, go "Oh...ok." You signed your sentence right then and there because that sentence ignites me like the hounds of hell are on my back. If you don't care, don't ask, simple as that.
I am relatively blank these days, if I'm bothered I just snicker and move along. I think I have reached a point where I truly bask in the blisfullness of ignorance XD Most people I talk to have nothing to offer me so we just chit chat, more than half trample on the things I listed above a lot but I look over it because.....hmmm....you know when you're just so disinterested you don't even want to bother to work up the anger or frustration ?
But then again, it might not be such a bad thing, at least for a while.
B.
This list might be cruel to some, but I consider it common sense, and once you get past my snarky comments, you'll agree with me and it's my journal so I'll posts as many lists as I feel like posting.
I oscialte between being nice and being downright cruel so it shows even in writing I suppose.
So... I am tired constantly, but I don't really mind, as long as I'm busy doing stuff, but in the same time, things that tick me off manage to tick me off more than usual. I keep calm and patient and I usually overlook stuff when it comes to my friends (them only) because I know it's easier for me to become frustrated at people because of my lack of sleep and food, but I start to wonder when enough is enough.
01. Don't take my patience as a weakness.I've been told I have insane amounts of patience but even that wears off. I don't like waiting and I don't like to keep people waiting, if I say I deliver something at 12, it will either be delivered at 11, either at 12 sharp. I do pretend to look to the other side at times, but whenever people keep me waiting on things it makes my blood boil, especially when I wait for something and I get excuses as to why it is not ready yet.
I forgive it at times, because we're but human but when it happens over and over it only makes me look down on people and in my head, I place them below others.
02. No means no. There is rarely I make an exception after I said no and take that back. I normally know what I want, likes and dislikes. I love, love, love being introduced to new things (like lovely Kim introduces me to) but when I don't like things, I just don't like them and I don't feel like giving them second chances, so shoving them down my throat won't work (just like it didn't work with religion). For example, I've been bombarded with Twilight from all sides lately. I don't like it and that's that, you all can go watch and enjoy it to the best of your abilities, but don't make me like it because I won't. Most people whom I told pretty bluntly "I am not touching the film or books with a ten foot pole" (before you throw stones at me, I did try to watch the film but I literally skimmed through it because there was nothing I liked about it) have got the message and were pretty cool about it, others....well....didn't. So I shoved them aside.
03. Just because I'm nice and polite to you it doesn't mean you have to push it. I like joking around and I'm a bit of a bully and I am too sarcastic for my own good but I draw a limit when people start to get too personal with the sarcasms and they turn into insults. Don't do that, I won't put up with it because 99% of the people I know are not indespensable for me, I can give up that 99% in a flash and not even wince. Don't think you're special.
04. Yes, my wallpaper switches between Tae and Sean Connery (yeah, that's who that -amazing- old man on my screen is, you ignorant pricks), other questions ? No ? Good.
(not really related to the topic but for the sake of randomness)
05. Don't play innocent. If you want me to get up from the table and leave you talking alone, all you should do is pretend you don't want to say something you actually really do want to say, just to make me ask you. People........I won't ask. Begging is not in my book, if you want to say it, it doesn't matter how crazy it is, just say it, you know I will listen, but don't make me beg you to say it because I'll just ignore you.
06. Ask me what's wrong then, after I tell you, go "Oh...ok." You signed your sentence right then and there because that sentence ignites me like the hounds of hell are on my back. If you don't care, don't ask, simple as that.
I am relatively blank these days, if I'm bothered I just snicker and move along. I think I have reached a point where I truly bask in the blisfullness of ignorance XD Most people I talk to have nothing to offer me so we just chit chat, more than half trample on the things I listed above a lot but I look over it because.....hmmm....you know when you're just so disinterested you don't even want to bother to work up the anger or frustration ?
But then again, it might not be such a bad thing, at least for a while.
B.
Things I cannot be separated from
01. My laptop. My laptop is my husband/wife/parent/lover/friend/child/sole reason to continue breathing XD
02. (Lately I can't be separated from my) Big Bang music folder. I can't help it. Their music makes me happeeeeeeeeeeeeee, so very happeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!!
03. My arabian scarf. I love them and I hope to buy more, bigger and more colourful ones in the future. Someone, buy me a present, I did not recieve any present for my birthday anyway!
04. Running shoes.
05.My favourite running/practice clothes/Adidas. As in my Adidas large pants and t-shirt (all black, obviously). The pants are super-overused, I'm not even joking, but I'm trying to take care of them as best as I can, I think those, along with the t-shirt were one of the most expensive clothing items I bought. I worked my ass off to buy them, as Adidas is the only brand I go after and I always trusted for sport/practice-related items in general. The only one for which I'll ever save up money to buy.
And for the ignorant masses : Adidas is originally a german brand, as well as Puma, they're two brands created by 2 german brothers who competed against eachother, so leave the americanisms aside.
German merchandise will always be superior to a lot of stuff. Period.
06. My mp3 player. I never leave the house without it. Ever.
07. My Adidas gym bag. The one I carry all my posessions in when I move, you wouldn't believe what that bag went through : Italy, Ireland, U.K, Romania, airports, muay-thai gear, subways, rain, snow, scorching sun, trains, cars, you name it.
08. Black eyeliner, mascara and pink-ish lipstick. Essentials, enough said.
09. Dog tag silver bracelet. My favourite jewelry item.
10.Three photos: the one with me and my best friend, the one with two of my school friends and the one Rich sent me with the Californian sunset. I never leave anywhere without them, they're always in some notebook and when I settle to sleep somewhere, I glue them on the wall next to my bed.
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